Nobody knows you when you're down and out

Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out
Jimmy Cox


It's amazing how we operate in our own little social bubbles.  Only seeing those who seem to fit into our world - everyone else in the outlying fog - not in our view.   We walk down the street and somehow don't see the panhandlers or those living on the edge - outside our edge.    We quickly forget that those individuals have stories, families and lives of their own.

I was in my own little bubble the other day taking the garbage out to the lane    I saw a man on bicycle collecting bottles from another house and called out to let him know that I'd have a few collectibles for him to pick up.    We met up in the alley a few minutes later and he began in sort through my recycling.  Then he broke the bubble ' Hey, you are the family that lived here a long time ago'.   I acknowledged that we had been living in the same house for years, fully prepared just to move back into my yard and seal up that bubble.   But I looked him in the eye and there he was our former neighbour, now no long living in the neighbourhood and more likely closer to the street level.    My kids played with his, they slept over regularly and spent hours in our yard.   It was clear that his kids weren't living with him any longer but he proudly told me of their school successes and their lives - beaming while he did.

His life has taken him on another path, one that takes him outside my bubble world.   He's obviously seen some hard times but he's still the same neighbour - a good conversationalist and a very proud father.   And, even though I had to ask him to remind me - his name is Gary and he has reminded me that my bubble world is too small and perhaps needs to break.

School's out forever

School's Out
Alice Cooper

In the next few weeks I will be graduating from high school....for the fourth time.    My last child will be leaving the high school system and moving on to the next stage.  It brings me to the end of, I hate to say it, an era.  Three kids, multiple high schools, junior high and elementary school, pre-school, tutors, school trips, plays, concerts, PAC meetings, ceremonies, school BBQ's, fees, lost library books, photos, sports days, PD days.

No more onslaught of forms and more forms in September.   No more reminders from teachers about lost or late assignments.   No more fund raising requests.  When I answer the phone at 6pm I will no longer hear "This is such and such secondary calling, please hold.  A child named....was absent from in the following blocks .....".  

While I am very much looking forward to the change, I will miss being connected to the school community, the feeling that I was still part of my childrens' lives, that I still had some control of where there were and what they were learning; some influence over their day.  I was able to speak directly with the teachers about their work.   All that is over.   They are all now in the position where the control is handed over to them.  Any information that I might feel I need or want would have to filter through them only at their permission.

Happy, sad, nostalgic, feeling triumphant.     I am so very proud of my kids.   They showed up.  They did me proud.   We made it.  We all made it despite all the shit thrown at us over the years.   Way to go kids!   Let's celebrate!  We've earned it!

Sign, sign everywhere a sign

Signs
Five Man Electrical Band

Signs, signs everwhere a sign.  Yup they are everywhere.  We just have to take the time to notice.  And I'm not talking about stop signs like the one I saw a driver blatantly ignore the other day.    I'm talking about those little signs from the universe that help to point us in a direction.

I have always relied on these signs or hints.  They come in all shapes in sizes and usually when you aren't really looking for them.   Usually when I'm at my whits end, I usually can find something that I consider a sign to help me get to the next stage.

Just the other day I was trying to decide between two different fabrics for my living room couch.  I don't do this couch shopping regularly, unless you call every 15 years regular.    Anyway, I narrowed it down to 2 which is a long process for someone who needs to consider all the options.    I was back and forth between the two for a good 1/2 hour but wanting to finalize the order and get on with the next 15 years of my life.   While reading the details on the fabric classifications, there it was, a sign from above in more ways than one.  The name of the fabric was Winston - my Dad's name.  That was it.  Decision made.  Dad had tapped me on the shoulder and given me the signal.    I rest easy with the decision knowing that my father would approve.   My father who probably never went couch shopping.

Another one I'm considering right now is that all the plants in my office are dying.  Same office for 15 years, but they have both decided to cash it in at the same time.   They came into the office at different times, from different sources.  Ok, what does this mean?   It's something.  Yes, could be as simple as the plants realizing that after many years they are actually living plants who need to nourish themselves by photosynthesis and they have not seen a spec of sunshine in all the time they've been in my company.  Well, all I have to say is - it took them long enough!    Or, is it some greater sign that I should be packing it in as well and hitting the old retirement bandwagon?   I'll keep monitoring that one.  Not sure that I should go so far as making financial decisions based on my plants.

On the theme of retirement - is it a sign of some sort that my favorite number all through my childhood was 55?   I work in the pension world and that's one of the key numbers - while not as magical as some insurance companies might lead you to believe.  Was this the kick in the pants in my youth to tell me of my career direction?    Well, like the plants it took me a long time by trial and error to pick up on that.   Not that they teach pension in high school at all.

You know when everything seems to be going wrong, you're butting heads with the world and you can't seem to get out of it.   There are tons of signs out there.  Just sit back and look for them.    It feels so good when you let the universe in to help guide you through life.  Yes, sounds flaky but it is true.  Leave the decisions up to someone/thing else.  Step back instead of butting heads.   Just do what feels right and most importantly trust yourself and the path you are on instead of pushing yourself to come up with the right answer.  

Oh, in case you are still wondering.   The couch will be brown, but the perfect brown cause my Dad told me so.